A Replacement for my Cock

My Princess has told me that I will only be permitted 1 orgasm for every 10 of hers.

She loves the satisfying feeling of being penetrated by a hard cock, though, so she has told me to get her a good vibrator.  I will be allowed to use it on her after giving her orgasms orally, if she so wishes.

Now, I have (unfortunately for a submissive) got a fairly large penis, and I wanted to get her something that would out-do me, and satisfy her even more that I can. 

So I have just purchased this bad boy. 

• Length: 9 inches
• Insertable: 8 inches
• Circumference: 6.25 inches
• Diameter: 2.0 inches

I can't wait for it to arrive!

Abandonment and Renewal

We've been away for a few weeks, during which time my Princess said she had decided that she wanted us to resume "vanilla" sexual relations, with me having as many orgasms as I like and with a more equitable balance of power.  I was quite disappointed, but agreed.

After a week of normal sex, with me orgasming, I quickly got used to "normal" life.  I became more interested in my own well being and less attentive.  Subsequently, she soon realised that she actually preferred being worshipped.  I came home from work one day and she told me that she wanted a new dildo, bigger than my dick.  It was to be used when she needed to be "filled"after I have given her oral sex.  She said she thought I would be better behaved if we used this system rather than letting me come inside her. 

Naturally I agreed and I am now browsing the net for a suitable item.

We have now agreed that I will be allowed one orgasm for every ten that she has.

This feels pretty good - an open acknowledgement that we both prefer it this way, even though it's not the societal norm.

It feels like I've moved out of the "stealth" phase into something a lot more permanent and sustainable.

Stability in Submission

We have, I think, established a new status quo where Emma's superiority and my obedience are pretty much unquestioned. Emma seems very content with this arrangement, apparently finding her new role as leader quite comfortable.

Today she exercised some of her powers with nonchalant ease; she received two orgasms, gave me a ruined orgasm (only my second release since November, I think), directed me to complete several hours' worth of chores and told me to massage her feet whilst she relaxed on the sofa.

Whilst I rubbed and kissed her feet, she told me about a girl in work whose male friend is on the lookout for a girlfriend. Emma asked to see some pictures, and her colleage duly obliged, showing Emma his Facebook photos. Emma said she found him "really hot". Her colleague then fed this comment back to the male friend in question, who has subsequently begun posting complimentary comments about Emma's Facebook pictures. Emma's colleage was worried that I might find out and get angry, so Emma told her "No, he really wouldn't. Believe me, he'd love it." This information has probably got back to the "Hottie" too. Interesting...

Shortly after the foot massage, Nathan popped round and mentioned that he had a sore knee. Emma, being a doctor, offered to look at it for him, so he ended up laying on the sofa with Emma kneeling by his legs with her hands all over his thigh and knee, manipulating him to diagnose the problem. I was on the other sofa, in the middle of sending a text when this happened, pretending to be preoccupied with what I was doing and not noticing all the eye contact and smiling going on opposite me.

Emma really can do exactly what she wants in this relationship now!

Worshipping my Princess Abroad

We went to Malta a couple of years ago for a fortnight.  This was before I knew that I was a submissive partner and before I had declared or even acknowledged my desire to serve my Princess, but looking back, my behaviour was so totally submissive and servile that it's obvious now that I am very well suited to this lifestyle.  If I was behaving like this without any conscious effort then I am obviously destined to be led by my beautiful Princess forever.

There are a few things that stand out in my memory.  One of them is kneeling next to her sun-lounger beside the pool and repeatedly applying sun cream all over her body.  I noticed a few people watching quizzically from the nearby seating area as I dutifully rubbed the lotion all over her, not just on the usual hard to reach areas like her back, but literally everywhere, even the places that most people simply do themselves.  I adoringly stroked in the cream; her stomach, arms, chest, shoulders, neck, legs, feet, every part of her received a thorough coating as Emma lay there, regally leafing through her magazine.  I had noticed other men begrudgingly slapping a cursory squirt of cream into the backs of their partners before rolling over and snoozing, but my Princess received far more respect and attention.  It probably took a good five minutes to make sure her perfect skin was fully protected from the sun.  I particularly enjoyed slowly caressing her legs until the lotion had soaked in just the right amount to give her smooth tanned skin a perfect satin sheen.  After I had finished her feet, I applied some more cream and massaged them for a while, and kissed them lightly.  It would have been clear to anyone watching that I totally worshipped this woman.  I repeated this around once an hour, and regularly fetched her drinks from the bar.  Even when not caring for her in this way I would generally be softly stroking her hair or back.  At one point she dozed off so I used this opportunity to nip off and clean the apartment.

Not actually me, but not far off!

Despite my best efforts, somehow, Emma's toes became slightly irritated by the heat and sun during a walk around the town.  In an effort to ameliorate this, I would periodically get down on my knees and rub cooling sun cream into her feet whilst Emma sat on a low wall or bench.  On one occasion I think some passers-by thought I was actually proposing to her.  Several times when Emma's feet were causing her discomfort, there was nowhere for her to sit, so I knelt before her and rubbed cream into her feet whilst she stood in the street.  There were a few tourists passing who presumably noticed how submissive or "under the thumb" I looked.  Obviously nowadays I would enjoy being seen performing such an act, but back then I did experience a little self-consciousness and slight embarrassment which I had to ignore in order to serve Emma properly.

It was during this walk that Emma got into the habit of walking ahead of me.  I hung back initially to see if she would notice how far ahead she had got, and wait for me, but she did not.  She carried on walking,  around ten yards ahead.  At this point I was carrying her bag; not exactly a girly handbag, but a large and very unmasculine brightly coloured shoulder bag nonetheless.  So I found myself carrying my Princess' bag around the town, following obediently behind her as she took in the sights of the old town, occasionally stopping to drop to my knees and anoint her lovely feet.  We went on like this for a few hours, with breaks for food and drinks.  It was a surprisingly erotic experience, and a definite catalyst for what has happened since.  Being made to tail her around like a faithful puppy, whilst admiring the backs of her tanned legs in a short skirt, it actually felt like an honour to be able to rub cream into her feet when she demanded it.

It was after one of these walks that we had our first one-sided sexual experience.  We were back at the apartment and Emma was laying on her back reading on the bed.  I was laying next to her and I asked if I could give her an orgasm.  "It needn't interrupt your reading" I said, half-jokingly.  She didn't actually reply, but she did part her legs slightly which I took as permission.  I went down on her whilst she continued to read.  She gave no indication of whether she was enjoying it at all, for at least ten minutes.  Eventually she started to breathe heavily and moan.  She put the magazine down and had an orgasm, before rolling away and dozing off.  I spent most of the night hugging her hips and kissing her back.

The very next morning Emma allowed me to kneel before her in the shower and shave her legs.  I took great care  and did such a good job that she let me go down on her again, still in the shower.  I recommend this to any sub men who haven't tried it.  The act of kneeling before my Princess and pleasuring her whilst water trickled down her beautiful body and into my mouth was incredible.  Once she was satisfied we got out of the shower and I fetched her a towel.  I then moisturised her legs and tidied away all her dirty clothes before another day's poolside pampering.  I was hooked!

Possible Cuckolding, This Weekend

Nathan is coming around on Saturday and he, Emma and I are going out for a drink together, starting quite early in the afternoon.  He has already said he will be sleeping over.

This could be it.  This time next week I could be a real cuckold.  On the other hand nothing may happen, I may be deluding myself and he might just come around for drinks and behave lie any normal friend.  I think the latter is the most likely outcome, but it depends largely on how drunk everyone gets.  I need to make sure that both he and Emma know that whatever happens between them is acceptable to me and will not cause any problems in the future; the main barrier to anything happening is probably the concern that it would adversely affect mine and Emma's relationship.  I must make it clear to Nathan that he and Emma getting acquainted sexually would actually enhance and strengthen our relationship.  I think Emma already knows this but it wouldn't hurt to reinforce the message with her too.  I think a few well chosen and ostensibly light-hearted remarks in the pub should smooth things over in this regard.

So my priorities this week should be preening my Princess to ensure she is as beautiful and as sexy as possible ready for Nathan, and also dropping a few hints that I would love the two of them to get it on.  My priority for Saturday should be making sure that they both get exceedingly drunk and also reassuring Nathan that it is ok for him to play around with my Princess, should she desire it.

Lots of bathing, shaving, moisturising, nail-painting, hair-washing, dress-ironing, shoe-polishing and bronzer-applying this week, then!  Watch this space...

Spare Prick

My Princess has definitely taken on the dominant role in the bedroom now, as evidenced by last night's encounter where I was used as a means of enhancing her pleasure, and then simply discarded.

We were "spooning" in bed and I was virtually asleep when she told me she wanted an orgasm.  I immediately shook myself awake and began to pleasure her with my fingers.  Well that lasted for a whole thirty seconds before she got on top, grabbed my cock and forced it inside her.

Emma is not on the pill and she didn't give me any chance to get a condom on, so we were having unprotected sex - something totally unheard of in our relationship.  So she said:

"Let me know when you get too excited."

As you can imagine, having not had an orgasm for nearly three months, I was too excited in a very short time.  Seeing her impaling herself on me, her gorgeous hips rocking back and forth as I stroked her breasts; it was too much to bear and I was on the brink of orgasm very quickly.  I told her so, and she immediately stopped moving and began to pleasure herself with me still inside her.

She made herself come, dismounted, rolled over away from me and went to sleep with me hugging her hips and kissing the small of her back.

I was too aroused to sleep for quite a while and couldn't believe what a beautiful experience I had just had.  She had used the fact that we had no contraception to her advantage perfectly, as a means of locking me into orgasm-less sex.  Had we used a condom I may not have had the willpower to be able to stop myself but this way she was in no doubt that I would be left unsatisfied.  I had been treated like a dildo, just a tool for satisfying my beautiful Princess - it never seemed to cross her mind that I may have needs of my own.

Beautiful!

Submissive Valentine's Card

I bought Emma a personalised Valentine's card with the following message inside:

To my beloved Princess Emma, the most beautiful woman in the world.  Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I will have such a gorgeous woman for a wife and that I will be able to worship you for ever.  I am so lucky that you said yes.  Thank you so much.  Happy Valentine's Day my Perfect Princess.  I love you, I adore you, I always will.  xxx

Suitably submissive and worshipful, do you think? 


I also bought her a bunch of flowers.  I think I will make a point of buying her flowers regularly from now on, as she likes them so much.

Emma's Guilty Pleasure... Looking Good!

Nathan popped around for coffee this afternoon.  Although he is my friend, he spent most of his time talking to Emma, and even when talking to us both, maintained quite a lot of eye contact with her.

Me and Emma mentioned that we were thinking of a short break somewhere hot, and he actually asked if he could come with us.  My heart leaped.  I would say he was about 50% serious.  The idea of the three of us going away together is amazing.  I can't stop imagining all the possible scenarios...  massaging her feet on the beach as he rubs her sun cream in... going off for a quick dip, leaving the two of them snuggling under a parasol, maybe cleaning the apartment later as they go for a bite to eat... getting drunk together, staggering into bed at the end of the night, then giving Emma the best orgasms of her life - surely the simultaneous attentions of two men would take her places she has never been before...

All very unlikely, but a pleasant fantasy nonetheless.

All that has reminded me of a recent holiday in which I behaved like the most obedient submissive boyfriend imaginable and she seemed to love it.  Will write about that soon.

On a more serious note, we argued yesterday and I let myself down, being not at all subservient and standing up for myself quite a bit.  I am taking her for an early Valentine's meal tonight so I will make sure I apologise profusely.

FLR Valentine's Day

Less thank two weeks to go until St. Valentine's Day and my thoughts have turned to gifts. Specifically, what gifts would be suitable for a submissive boyfriend to give to his beautiful Princess.

I have more or less decided that I will get a personalised card with a suitably submissive message, yet to be decided.

Also I will get her a big bunch of flowers, sent to her work.

I am thinking of buying her a short sexy dress suitable for wearing to a wedding that she's going to in May whilst I am away with work.

Some massage oil and other pampering-related items would also be good I think.

So far all of these things are quite ordinary. Something that signifies how much I worship, and how superior she is and how obedient I am would be good...

The Contraception Situation

It's now been about 2 months since I had a full orgasm.  I have been allowed only one ruined orgasm during that time.  The urge to masturbate is intense, especially after this morning, when my Princess lay on the bed and let me kiss her naked body whilst I made her come.  I have had a permanent erection all day and my balls are aching like mad.  Of course I will not masturbate as Emma has forbidden it completely.

If and when I am ever allowed to have sex with Princess Emma again, I will have to wear a condom.  I don't think I have mentioned this before but it is probably worth touching on, as it is another sign of how I do my utmost to consider Emma's needs and feelings before my own.

We have been together for several years, and Emma was on the pill when we met.  It caused a certain degree of moodiness though; probably a side-effect of the hormones.  As soon as we realised that it was the pill which was causing her moods, then I immediately offered to use condoms so that she could stop taking the pill.

That was three or four years ago, and we have not had unprotected sex since.  Even when Emma was on the pill, I was not allowed to ejaculate inside her as she was very worried about getting pregnant.  I obeyed this rule right from the outset, and that was years before I even considered any submissive stuff.  Maybe she has been conditioning me from the beginning!

Anyway, I love the fact that I have only ever come inside her a handful of times over the years.  It's a real sign of her power over me.

Sunday Service

We had a good night last night. Emma and I went for a few drinks before the meal and she laid down some pre-nup rules for me. Most of them concerned infidelity. For instance, if I ever have sex with another woman, she will not only divorce me but also screw me for every penny I am worth. Fair enough, I said. There is no chance of that ever happening anyway.

I thought it was a good opportunity to reinforce my stance on Emma's sexual freedom, so after promising to always remain faithful and accept her wrath should I stray, I reminded her that she is free to have sex with whoever she likes.

Previously this subject has made Emma feel a bit uncomfortable, as she has suspected ulterior motives, but now she seems to be getting the picture. This time, she was interested in the technicalities. She asked whether she could tell her friends. When I asked her why she would want to, she said that, if she went with someone else whilst out with her friends, she would want to tell her friend that what she was doing was 'allowed' in our relationship. Of course, I said, by all means tell your friends.

That seemed like quite a development to me; she has actually been thinking about it.

This morning I asked to be allowed to pleasure my Princess, and was given permission. I gave her an orgasm whilst kissing her breasts. I nearly came with absolutely no physical contact. Then we had some post-orgasm intimacy, during which I stroked her hair and told her she is the most beautiful woman in the world and I am very lucky to be marrying her. I told her I love her about half a dozen times. She just smiles now, when I say it. She never tells me back. She lays there like a proper Princess, just accepting all my loving adoration. I kissed the soles of her feet countless times.

When I got out of bed to make her breakfast, Emma noticed a wet patch where I must have dribbled some pre-cum. She asked me about it and I explained what it was. Thinking about it, a better response would have been an apology, and an assurance that I hadn't actually had an orgasm. I need to react better to these little opportunities to show that I know my place.

No major developments on the Nathan front last night. He was out but he and Emma didn't talk much as there were so many other friends there who we hadn't seen for a while.

Anyway, things are going in the right direction at the moment and I am feeling very positive.

Best Friend's Wedding Part III

In the taxi on the way back, Emma leant her head against my shoulder and we chatted about what a good day and night it had been. I stroked and kissed her hand and told her many times how much I love her, and how stunningly gorgeous she is. I told her about how many times I had noticed men admiring her in the church and in the evening, and how proud and lucky I felt when she had danced sexily with James. I was letting her know that not only was that kind of behaviour "acceptable", but that it was actually increasing my already borderline obsessional adoration. "The more you do whatever you want, the more I love you" was the message, essentially. She smiled, and seemed genuinely reassured and glad that I was happy with her flirting. I hugged her and kissed her and made sure that she knew that she would always be totally at liberty to behave in any way she wanted to, and that I would love her unconditionally.

We found Emma's friend's house in total darkness; the occupants were either out or asleep. I paid the driver and ran around to open Emma's door. I took her hand and helped her from the car. In the hallway, I immediately got down on my knees and removed Emma's shoes. I kissed each foot in turn and carefully put the shoes to one side. I then removed her shawl, which I folded neatly. I hadn't planned to act so submissively but I have always found that drunken situations are good opportunities to try out new levels of obedience and servility. She offered no thanks or even any acknowledgement. This was very encouraging - I had worried that she would find this kind of behaviour a bit over the top and forced, so I took her nonchalance as a positive sign. Knowing that Emma would like a drink in the morning, I went to the kitchen and poured her a glass of water.

When I took Emma's drink into the bedroom, I found her sprawled on the bed, fully clothed, on her front. I kissed her on her shoulder and asked if I could help her undress. She nodded and I undid the zip on the back of her dress. It slid off with a bit of helpful wriggling. She then gestured for me to remove her pants. Off they came, and then her bra. After tidying her clothes away I gently kissed the small of her back and began to knead her shoulders. The time was about 4am and the room was dark apart from the light from the streetlights outside, so I thought Emma would soon doze off.

Just as I thought she was falling asleep though, she began to pleasure herself, lazily, still laying on her front. I reacted by kissing and stroking her, slowly moving down the warm valley of her spine, her soft, downy hair barely discernible against my lips. On to her smooth, curvaceous ass and then her lovely brown legs. There is something very submissive about kissing calves and feet; I couldn't even tell if she was remotely interested in what I was doing, but I felt like I was just honouring and admiring her. Presumably she was replaying the night's events or even imagining what could have happened if she had gone home with James. Whatever she was thinking of, she was about to get a lot more domineering...

Her breathing was becoming a lot heavier, so I thought she was nearing climax. Her favourite turn-on is the feeling of initial penetration, the stretching sensation of the first plunge of penis into vagina, so I thought I would help her come by taking her from behind. I undressed quickly and put a condom on as Emma is not on the pill. I knelt behind her drew her hips upwards towards me, and gently entered her. I could tell she was right on the edge of orgasm, and so was I, immediately - I was inside the object of my obsession, and the view was incredible. Her head was on the pillow and her ass was high in the air, accentuating her the womanly curves of her hips. Everything I worship and adore was there in front of me. I was careful not to go in too deep and hurt my Princess, so I kept it very gentle, gradually getting deeper with each stroke.

Emma did not have an orgasm as expected. Instead, she did something which simultaneously surprised me and nearly drove me insane with lust.

She pushed me away, and lay then flat on the bed, still pleasuring herself. The action was natural, authoritative, purely selfish, dismissive, like turning away a beggar. I was left kneeling between her legs, my rejected cock throbbing and bobbing pointlessly. Her beautiful ass and pussy just inches away. I reminded myself that Princess Emma is totally in control, and that this sexual experience, as with every other, is entirely for her benefit. I had no right to expect anything more, but must do my utmost to make sure she is completely satisfied and happy. I should be honoured that I had been allowed even those precious few seconds of time inside her.

So I began to woship her incredibly beautiful legs with gentle kisses and stroking. The very legs that I had been shaving and bronzing with moisturiser for the past few weeks, the legs that had been on show for James as she sat giving him lingering eye contact in the car and on the dance floor during tonight's flirting. The thighs that he briefly had his hands on as he danced behind her.

She seemed to enjoy this, or at least, she tolerated it. It is hard to say whether this blatant worship was a turn on or whether she just considered it pitiful. In any case, she obviously understood what my behaviour signified: that I was completely in her control and that I simply could not get enough of her body. My continued worship after such a abrupt and total rejection must have told her that she could do anything and I would comply, because as I reached the small crease between thigh and cheek, she reached around and grasped a handful of my hair, hard. She used my hair like a handle, to maneuver my head forcefully onto her ass. I kissed her cheeks, timidly where she had placed me. The perfect, smooth, soft hemispheres warm against my lips. She had placed me right where her buttocks meet, so my lips were kissing cheeks and crack. Surely she was not about to let me, force me, to lick her perfect ass. As I softly kissed her crack, I began to drift into a world of sexual ecstacy. This was really happening. She then gripped my hair again and pushed my face hard, right into her. I was between her perfect buttocks, servicing her in one of the most submissive ways imaginable. With me in position she returned to pleasuring herself. She had been laying flat on the bed since rejecting my cock, but now she reared up again to allow me maximum access. She seemed totally relaxed as she pleasured herself like this, ass in the air, head on the pillow, servant boyfriend plunging his obedient, hungry tongue deep into her womanly ass. Anything to assist in Princess's pleasure. She was in no rush to come, now. She had me totally under her spell, and seemed to be relishing this situation. It was as if she was saying "I have conquered you, completely. Just look at us. Just look at yourself. You would stay there all night if I so decided". And it was true. I was in nirvana. It went on for 30 or 40 minutes. My nose was pressing on her coxxyx, my tongue and jaw ached, my back was hurting due to the uncomfortable position I was in, knees on the bed, hands on Princess's hips and ass, pulling her cheeks open. My cock was aching and throbbing and unlikely to receive any attention tonight. I knew, whilst all this was happening, that Princess Emma was fantasising about a better looking man who had been attracted to her tonight partly because I had been so helpful in preening her and making her look her best. This was about as good as it is ever going to get, I thought.

Eventually Emma came, in waves and shudders. As we were in a friend's house it was a quiet orgasm, but the convulsions and the duration confirmed that it was a satisfying one. My Princess had been sated, and she slumped back into a laying position. I was so happy. I had been granted one of the greatest experiences a submissive can ask for. More demeaning and yet more intimate than any kind of foot worship or boot licking. Perhaps more shameful than anything we had done previously. I had given up any remaining chance of pretending to be Emma's equal. I was, quite literally, an ass-licker, where as she would not even think about so much as touching my cock. We both knew our places now, and my place was at the bottom.

Emma went to sleep with me softly stroking her naked body, its contours illuminated by the warm sodium glow of a street light. I sat there for a while, marvelling at the beauty of her small, form. Totally perfect, sleeping soundly, oblivious. I managed to stop myself from masturbating, as Emma hates it. I removed the condom, still empty, and lay spooning my beautiful mistress, in a state of awe and rapture, heart thumping, unable to sleep at all, all night.

Hotwife on the Pull

Ok, so that title is a slight exaggeration. This coming Saturday Emma and I are off out to a town centre restaurant for a friend's birthday. Emma thinks the rest of the party are probably going to head off to a club that we're not very keen on after the meal, so she has suggested that the two of us sneak off to her favourite club where they play live music. There is a bit of a wild atmosphere in this place, with a lot of dirty dancing and kissing happening on the rammed and sweaty dancefloor.

Now Emma has said she would like to wear the little black dress that she wore for her xmas do, but that it's slightly too large around the bust area, meaning it keeps falling down when she dances. I suggested she wore her cleavage-enhancing bra to keep it in place, but she pointed out that the dress is strapless whereas the bra is not.

So what would a good obedient boyfriend do in such a situation? Well, I have just been to a designer clothes shop and purchased a very sexy, strapless, push up, padded bra that is supposed to increase your bust size by up to two cup sizes.

So now she can wear the sexy dress, and dance in it. Also there is the added bonus that her boobs will look even more gorgeous.

I am hoping to be granted the pleasure of pampering her before we go out, and maybe I will be able to trim and paint her fingernails and toenails as well as the usual bathing, shaving and moisturising. I have already polished her shoes.

My dream situation would be that, after all of my efforts, she finds herself dancing with someone she fancies and tells me to either wait outside or go home. Something similar happened when we were first getting together; we were dancing in a club, just about to leave, when a good looking guy came over and started dancing with her. She just looked at me and said "Wait outside, I'll be out soon". I could tell she was planning on snogging him, but at the time I was still jealous and possessive, so I refused and we left together. How I regret that missed opportunity now! I have told her several times since how that memory is now a massive turn-on and how I was stupid to behave like that.

So maybe Saturday will bring some similar excitement. If anything like that arises again then I will be sure to obey immediately...

Humiliation During Chores

Whilst on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor yesterday, Princess Emma came and sat on my back. I carried on scrubbing and she started laughing and said "I bet this is one of your weird fetishes isn't it? Come on horsey, walk on".

Now, I have never had any kind of fantasy relating to that kind of thing, but I loved the way she laughed at me, the callous mockery in her voice, and the very fact that she felt able to treat me in this way.

She is definitely taking on the role. Soon I will give her the book I bought; The New Bride's Guide to Training Your Husband. I think we're nearly ready for it. It will be good to move from this stage of 'stealth submission' into the next level where she is propely and openly acknowledged as my superior and my leader.

Self Emasculation and the Eunuch

I have been reading about eunuchs recently, specifically the ones tasked with looking after a harem. There are many similarites (and one or two very obvious differences) between their roles and mine. They were expected to look after beautiful women whilst remaining sexually detached. Preening and pampering were core tasks. I wonder whether any of them were submissive types and therefore enjoyed their lot. I love the idea of it. I wonder, though, whether the hormonal changes brought on by castration would eliminate the feelings of sexual tension accumulated through an unfulfilled libido.

For now I will have to satisfy myself with the metaphorical castration I experience daily through bowing to my partner's superiority every day...

Emma's Hen Weekend

Emma's best friend recently contacted me to find out where she would like to go for her hen weekend. I have done some digging and Emma has hinted that she would like to go somewhere "cheesy and tacky" as she has never been on a naff girls' holiday. So I have suggested to her friend that she books a weekend in Magaluf, a resort on Majorca nicknamed "Shagaluf" due to its reputation as a sleazy casual sex orientated destination.

I have told Emma that I will go wherever she wants me to go for my stag-do.

Wedding Plans

We are getting married next year and I am quite keen to incorporate some elements of this FLR life into the wedding and marriage.

One thing I am considering is changing my last name to Emma's, so she can keep hers; a reversal of the norm. The only thing holding me back is the thought that it might upset my family. Still, I am giving it serious thought.

I am also thinking of tweaking the vows so that whilst I will promise to love, honour, obey and be faithful, Emma's vows will be more about loving and leading, with no mention of being faithful.

I might even wear a wedding dress. Joke.

Cuckold Fantasies

There's a couple of glimmers of hope on the horizon. Maybe one of them will resolve into my first experience of cuckolding.

First, our friend Nathan (who Emma has previously described as her "guilty pleasure") is now officially single, having moved out of the home he and his girlfriend shared. During a text chat tonight, she said " Looks like we'll be seeing a lot more of Nathan then ;) " to which I jokingly replied "Yeah, perhaps he can keep you company when I'm away". Her response was a fairly positive " Well, someone has to ;) ".

So that's the most realistic, albeit long-term possibility. The other, more immediate but far-fetched possibility is a visit from a mortgage advisor tomorrow. She admitted that she finds him attractive, and he's got a great body - very well-built. He can only make it tomorrow, and I am in work so it'll just be the two of them. It's unlikely that talk of interest rates is going to lead to casual sex, but she has jokingly told me she's going to wear something sexy for him. Ah well, I can but dream...

Ongoing Orgasm Denial

It's about a month since I was allowed to have a full orgasm.  She gave me a ruined orgasm nearly a fortnight ago.  I think this is the longest I have ever gone without an orgasm.  It is taking quite a lot of willpower but I think I could get used to long term denial.

I was allowed to make her come this morning and was genuinely frustrated and annoyed when she got out of bed straight after, without paying me any attention.  I think this is perhaps the next level, where she has become so blasé about receiving without giving that she really doesn't give my sexual urges a second's thought.  This is exactly what I have been aiming for, and now it feels so frustrating!

I am turning her into a proper Princess...

Best Friend's Wedding Part II

At the church my Princess looked stunning in her short dress. She wore a stylish thin shawl which covered her bare shoulders and back during the service, but her beautiful brown legs were on show for all to admire. I could barely take my eyes off her as the hemline rose higher and higher up her thighs as she crossed and uncrossed her legs. Dozens of pairs of mens eyes followed her intently as she clip-clopped up the aisle in her high heels to give her reading. She looked amazing standing there at the lectern; I felt so proud, excited and lucky that I am allowed to pamper and look after such a beautiful woman. I imagined myself on my knees in front of her, kissing the toenails that I had lovingly painted. I felt truly honoured that I am allowed such intimacy with such a goddess. How many men watching her make the speech were imagining what delights lay under those thin layers of fabric, I wondered.

After the service we had a lift to the reception venue with the bride's friend James, in his brand new Jaguar. Emma sat in the front. He must have had a prime view of her silky smooth thighs, glistening slightly with moisturiser, invitingly. She seemed quite impressed with him and his car and I was virtually forgotten about in the back with someone's elderly relative. James is an executive type, very smart and successful, exuding a sense of strength, confidence and masculinity; quite the opposite of the fawning, servile submissive she has become used to. The contrast was not lost on her, if her flirtatious laughing was anything to go by.
At the reception, as the meal and speeches went by I ensured Emma's wine glass was always full. She was trying equally hard to ensure it was always empty, so by the time the music started she was in a real party mood.

After dancing with her for a few songs, I went to the bar and ended up chatting for a long time with the groom. Occasionally I could catch glimpses of Emma messing around with her friends on the dance floor; she looked like she was having a great time. By the time I had bought drinks, James was amongst those dancing with her group, so I decided to hang back and let her enjoy some attention. She was clearly enjoying it a great deal and began dancing in a really flirty way with him. Gradually the pair of them separated themselves from the main throng on the dance floor and carried on dancing together.
At one point she started using one of the dining chairs as a prop, straddling it suggestively like Christine Keeler. James must have had a great view of her gorgeous legs at this point, shaven, bronzed and moisturised so lovingly by her obedient boyfriend. Her perfectly smooth, tanned inner thighs on display for the tittilation of an alpha male.

I stayed off the dance floor for around half an hour whilst they danced and flirted around each other. There was very little physical contact but there was a definite intensity there that caused me a massive thrill. Eventually the bride returned and dragged Emma off for a dance. My heart was pumping and I was unable to make any kind of small talk with anyone for a while as I was so distracted.

At the end of the night, Emma gave James a kiss goodbye (on the cheek unfortunately) and we got a taxi back to our friends' place.

Emma was obviously quite aroused by her night's flirting, as what she made me do next was about as good as it gets for a submissive boyfriend...

Padlocked Prince Albert

I am supposed to be going abroad with work in May and Emma is worried (for no good reason) that I may be unfaithful.


Now, firstly, this makes me think that I am not doing my job right and making her feel secure and loved; if she fully understood my feelings then she would know that there is zero chance of me ever being unfaithful.  I really must keep emphasising to her that I worship her and am simply not interested in even looking at anyone other than her, my beautiful Princess.


But secondly, I see this as an opportunity to sell the idea of a chastity device.  Things like CB3000's would look downright weird to Emma, so instead I have offered to have a Prince Albert so that she can padlock me when I go away.  This way she can rest easy, safe in the knowledge that it would be physically impossible for me to have sex.


There is a picture of exactly what I have in mind on a chastity blog, here.


Emma's initial response was that this is a bit of an extreme solution, and there is no need.  Maybe I will surprise her with it.


The only thing that bothers me is the prospect of having to explain it to the metal detector operator in the airport...

Submissive Resolutions - How to Better Serve my Princess

1. Agree more. I must stop being defensive in conversations. I must accept that she is always right and try my hardest not to argue with her. 


2. Apologise more. Whenever I fall short of the service my Princess deserves, I will offer sincere and humble apologies. I will promise to try harder. 


3. Thank more. If for any reason my Princess has to do something for me (which I will try and avoid) then I will be sure to show enormous gratitude that she has deigned to consider me. 


4. Expect less. I will encourage her to do as little as possible for me, and also try to make her more comfortable with the idea of showing me zero courtesy or gratitude. Whenever she thanks me for a massage or a bath, it seems to diminish the submissiveness of the act; this must be discouraged. 


5. Do more. I will strive as hard as possible to make sure that I am constantly serving her needs and the needs of the household, and I will try to constantly anticipate her future requirements. 


6. Continue the gradual withdrawal of my cock from sex. She does not need my cock in order to have amazing orgasms. If I continue to belittle my cock and make it less appealing then hopefully it will become totally neglected. 


7. Promote the idea of cuckolding wherever possible. 


8. Make my Princess feel loved, appreciated, beautiful, secure and happy.


 This blog is now getting quite a lot of views so I would be very interested to hear any suggestions from readers as to how I can progress things in 2012. Any ideas on how I can emasculate myself further and worship my Princess more? Happy New Year!

High Standards of Domestic Service

It has become something of a challenge for me to see exactly how much I can do for my Princess, and how well I can do it. At the moment I do all the washing, ironing, hoovering, cleaning, most of the cooking and all of the washing up, I make her a cup of tea in bed every morning, bathe her, shave her, moisturise and massage her. I also make sure her car is maintained with oil, water, wipers, bulbs etc., and I make sure it is clean inside and out.

One thing I have started doing which shows how focused I am on providing exceptional service to my Princess is folding her underwear. It is quite unnecessary, and I do it with needlessly high attention to detail. Her underwear drawer is immaculate. Every single pair of pants is perfectly folded; even her thongs are cleverly folded in such a way that they look like they are fresh out of the packet. This is in contrast to the way she leaves all her clothes strewn across the floor when she gets undressed. Obviously I always pick them up and fold them neatly.

Any other ideas for demonstrating my dedication are welcome - please leave a comment.

Incidentally, Emma did not go out with her friend the other night as hoped, which was quite disappointing. I even offered to pay for her but it just didn't happen in the end. A new date is being arranged though and she says she will definitely go this time. So I am planning to pamper and prepare her for a night out on Jan 7th. I will iron her clothes,give her a bath, wash her hair, shave her legs, armpits and bikini area, moisturise her with bronzer and do her nails. I am thinking of arranging for a hairdresser to come around as a surprise too. Hopefully she will let me give her enough money to cover all her drinks and transport. Whilst she is out enjoying herself I will be working hard in at home. I have high hopes for the 7th - her friend recently slept with someone for the first time since becoming single so she is properly on the prowl, and will hopefully lead Emma into some interesting situations with some hot men.

Best Friend's Wedding Part I

Pampering and Flirting at a Wedding.

How amazing life can be as a submissive obedient partner to a beautiful and sexy woman.  This is the event that stands out most for me as an example of the life I am aiming for.  If it was up to me, every social occasion would follow this pattern…

Emma's best friend got married in the summer, in Manchester.  We stayed with another of Emma's friends who happen to live nearby.   Since it was summer, Emma had a lovely tan and I was enjoying the shaving and moisturising aspects of our relationship even more than usual.  Her skin is so silky smooth and brown and her complexion is so perfect that I find it almost impossible to keep my hands off her, especially when she wears short summer dresses.

The dress she had chosen for the wedding was a fairly short black number with a very low-cut back, and I was keen to make sure she looked as good as possible in it.  A week or so before the wedding I bought some bronzing moisturiser and she had been letting me rub it into her already gorgeously tanned skin after every bath.  Some evenings when time was short I would kneel on the floor and moisturise her legs whilst she stood over me, nonchalantly chatting about other matters whilst I struggled to control my breathing.  Other times when we had more time I would lay a towel on the bed, put on some relaxing music and massage her slowly and thoroughly all over for an hour or more, using the bronzing moisturiser like massage oil.  These sensual massages would never lead onto full sex, but sometimes when I was really lucky she would allow me to perform oral sex on her.  Bringing her to orgasm after over an hour's worth of gentle loving stroking and foreplay was a great experience, made all the more rewarding for me by her total disregard for my sexual gratification.  I always took great care to ensure the bronzing cream was applied evenly and rubbed in properly to avoid streaking.  By the time of the wedding, she was looking amazingly sexy; good enough to eat.  During one of our pampering sessions she let me trim her toenails, file the edges smooth, and apply red nail varnish.  She was lying on the bed reading with her feet hanging over the edge, I was kneeling naked on the cold wood floor.  I did a perfect job, as I loved the experience and wanted to be able to do it again one day.

(not me in the pic, but I like it)

When it came to the day of the wedding, I was allowed use the bronzing moisturiser once more on her legs and back in the spare room of her friend's house.  I knelt before her and rubbed it lovingly into her smooth, soft thighs and tight calves.  She then put the dress on, it was tight and emphasised her curves beauifully.  We then went into the lounge to have a few pre-wedding drinks with her friend and her friend's husband.  We had only been talking for a few minutes when she produced the nail varnish and told me to do her fingernails.  Her friend's husband couldn't believe his eyes, and commented that what I was doing was "really gay".  His mockery made me feel quite humiliated, and this was increased further when Emma laughingly told him how much I love shaving and moisturising her.  He watched me with a look of incredulity as I carefully applied nail varnish perfectly to all fingers.  He is quite an alpha-male type and I could tell that he found this quite unbelievable.  It was as if I had been suddenly and unexpectedly "outed" as a sub.

Soon we left for the wedding, Emma looking about as sexy and provocative as she ever has, with her perfect skin, revealing dress, newly cut hair and very sexy strappy high heels.  I couldn't wait to see her dancing at the reception…

My First Ruined Orgasm - First of Many, Hopefully.

This morning Emma allowed me to give her two fantastic orgasms that left her shuddering and groaning with post-climax aftershocks.  Interestingly, it started off with us talking about her ex-boyfriends and me challenging myself to name all the men she has slept with.  I tried to get her to remember past sexual encounters but she said the memories were too vague.  Still, she became quite aroused not long after.  At one point I was actually kissing her feet as she climaxed.  If she was thinking about an ex boyfriend whilst I was doing this then that is one of the most delicious scenarios I can imagine.

I was simultaneously very satisfied that I was able to leave her shaking with pleasure and also so horny that I was on the verge of having my own orgasm with my pants still on, even after zero physical stimulation.  Still though, I managed to remain focused on her, and I hugged and kissed her lovingly and intimately, telling her how beautiful she is and how much I adore her.

She still finds it strange that such encounters end with no real denouement on my part though.  She asked whether it was healthy for me to never climax.  In reply I said that I had heard that there was a link between prostate health and regular ejaculation, but that if I ejaculated now I would probably instantly become lazy and inattentive.  I pointed out how affectionate I was being and told her that I was keen to do some work around the house; I contrasted this with my probable post-orgasm behaviour - rolling over and going to sleep.  I could see that this made sense to her, but it was also clear that she wasn't completely satisfied with this situation.

This is when I had a brainwave...

I said "Well, I have heard that it's possible to make a man ejaculate without him having a full orgasm, if you just stop everything just before he's about to come.  Perhaps we could try that - then I'll stay healthy and also I won't get lazy!  Everyone's happy!"

Well, she didn't need any encouragement, which surprised me as I thought she would find the concept really weird.  I was so horny that it only took a couple of minutes.  As soon as I was on the edge, I told her and she let go.  Voila!  The least satisfying ejaculation of my entire life.  None of the pulsing, whole-body rush of sexual ecstasy, no real sense of release, just a very unspectacular and slightly embarrassing, well, dribble.  She was very happy indeed with the result and I have made sure I have been co-operative, hard-working and attentive ever since.  And still just as horny.

She has never heard the phrase "ruined orgasm" in her life, but she has just become quite the expert!

Merry Christmas x

Pass the Chewing Gum

Emma had a great time at her xmas do. She got drunk, danced and had fun. All the doctors were dressed in dinner suits and probably seemed even more charming than usual, although she tells me none of them float her boat.

Emma's friend texted her today to say that, soon after she left the party, several of her colleagues went up to one of the hotel rooms and ended up messing around and playing some kind of "dare" game, involving passing chewing gum from one person to the next, orally. She asked me how I would have reacted if she had been involved in that game. I actually got a bit bashful and rather than saying "I would bloody love it, I'm gutted you weren't involved!" I just said that I would be surprised, since she didn't really fancy any of them. It's probably just as well I didn't blurt out what a wannabe cuckold I am - she already knows I would like her to play around but I don't want her to feel pressured into doing it to please me. Later on though I managed to make it a bit clearer that I would actually quite like it if she behaved like that, and she hinted that maybe she would, if the situation arose again. Result!

Still waiting to see some photos of this dress though...

Mini-Dress at her Xmas Do

Well, Emma is currently on her way from work to a friend's house where she'll be having a few drinks and getting ready for her xmas do. I am not attending.

Yesterday she showed me the dress she'll be wearing. She has borrowed it from a friend, and it is very, very short. Uncharacteristically so, in fact. I don't think she has ever sported such a racy hemline whilst in my company. It's also got quite a low back; it looks extremely sexy, but I don't think I will ever see her in it in the flesh. I am looking forward to the photos though. I wanted to help prepare her last night with a bit of a pampering session, but time didn't allow it so unfortunately she had to shave her own legs, armpits and bikini area. I did get to trim her toenails though.

Emma is a nurse, and her xmas do will involve a lot of doctors. Nurses tend to idolise doctors to some extent, so there is a chance that she may be doing a fair bit of drunken flirting and dancing tonight. The thought of her playing around whilst I do the chores at home is quite a turn-on! She's sleeping at her friend's house so I won't have any idea what has happened until she gets home tomorrow.

Hope she enjoys herself.

The Fetishisation of my Emasculation

My girlfriend, Emma (I might as well start using names now; what are odds of being identified?) has always been quite exacting when it comes to certain aspects of my appearance. Only recently have I come to realise that she has been dictating these elements of my life in such a way as to make me less "manly".

For example, she likes me to have smoothly shaven balls and very close-cropped pubes. She has always made it quite clear that she finds my pubes very unnatractive once it exceeds even a few millimetres. As a result of this I have fastidiously maintained very high standards of grooming in these areas. My chest and shoulder hair also receives similar attention.

She also likes me to wear small, white, 'trunk' style hipsters or boxers, as tight-fitting as possible; size "small".

She has also dictated my hairstyle and clothes for the last few years - tight t-shirts and short hair.

All of these things, and the very fact that it is Emma who is dictating them, combine to emasculate me to some extent. I have very little individuality or autonomy - all aspects of my appearance and even my mannerisms and behaviour are tailored specifically around her preference for clean-cut, boyishness, rather than gruff manliness.

She has always made it abundantly clear that she finds the idea of me wanking quite abhorrent. Once or twice - before I was so obedient - she came into the bedroom and suspected that I had been up to no good. She was quite disgusted and made me feel like a kid being scolded. I had to work hard to get back into her good books.

I think, to some extent my my FLR fetish is a means of dealing with being in a relationship with someone who micromanages my life. I have incorporated all the elements of restriction and control into a fetish.

Guilty Pleasure

My workmate Nathan came round to see us yesterday. He is into his fitness and really looks after himself. My girlfriend has previously expressed a liking for him; she likes his fit body and also gets along really well with him as he's a genuinely nice bloke. She told me she finds him quite good looking too.

I have previously made half-joking suggestions that maybe we should have a threesome - comments that were met with a fairly luke-warm response. I also told my girlfriend several times that he fancies her, which seemed to simultaneously boost her ego and also increase her fondness for him, which in turn has led to slightly more flirtatious behaviour.

Anyway, after he left today, she said "I think Nathan is my guilty pleasure" which I think means basically she fancies the arse off him and would like to sleep with him, unless I am jumping to conclusions.

Interestingly, it looks like he is about to split up with his girlfriend. I really think that if I am ever to be cuckolded, he is the most likely person to be involved.

Must think how to help make this happen...

She's no longer satisfied with my cock.

Having sex yesterday she actually said she couldn't feel anything. My cock no longer satisfies her. I now have to bring her to climax with my hand instead. I jokingly said that she needs a bigger cock and she agreed. What a turn on.

Everyday acts of submission

Asked her if she would like an orgasm before her morning cup of tea today. She said no so I made her tea and stroked and kissed her as she slowly and dozily awoke.

She then criticised me for waking her up by spooning her last night. I apologised several times. We agreed that in future she is to just push me away when she needs space in bed.

So now we're in a situation where I show her affection, get pushed away and then apologise. How submissive is that?!

Hoping to give her a bath, shave her legs, cut her nails and moisturiise her tonight. Maybe a massage too if she wants.

An interesting event is coming up. Her recently single friend is having a birthday night out in a couple of weeks. This particular friend loves to flirt and likes trendy clubs. I plan to help ensure my princess has a good night by giving her money to pay for all her drinks. I will help her prepare for the night too, and plan to spend the night cleaning and doing chores. She knows she has every right to play around with other men if she wishes. Maybe this will be the night...

People are noticing a change...

Dinner at her parents' last night. She enthusiastcally described how hot the workman was for her mother's benefit. Her mother said 'You don't normally talk like that about men!'

Driving home I reinforced this as a positive thing by saying how great it is that other people are noticing her increased sex drive. I think I will suggest she thinks about this guy during her next orgasm...

It's definitely working...

Gave her a good orgasm last night and then we went to sleep straight after. She enjoys the feeling of having my whole hand inside her lately, which is good for two reasons - firstly it means she doesn't feel the urge for my actual cock inside her and secondly it means she's getting used to something bigger than my cock.

Gave her another orgasm this morning. There was no suggestion that my needs were going to addressed at any point last night or this morning.

Interestingly, she said this morning that we could have sex but that I would end up being unproductive all day and that we had a lot to do. She's definitely made the connection between my orgasm denial and my everyday compliance. She's also taken control of sex, more or less telling me that she's denying me today to make me work harder.

Several times in the past few days she's told me about men she fancies too. Things are looking up!

Plans.

All seems to be going quite well lately. She is continuing to give no consideration whatsoever to my sexual fulfillment, in the conventional sense. I am refraining from wanking and I am being allowed to satisfy her, although not as often as I would like. Must keep on her good side in the hope of being allowed to satisfy her more. It's hard not to lose focus sometimes; I need to remember that it's all connected and that if I shirk jobs or act negatively then I'm ruining my chances of being given the pleasure of her intimacy.

She made a joke about the size of my cock the other day, in a shop full of blokes, in a voice loud enough for everyone near us to hear. I enjoyed the feeling of public humiliation and need to encourage more of that. We were deciding what size product to buy and she joked that I'd be used to a three inch one. I'm actually about average or above but it would be good if she would start thinking of my cock as small, pathetic and unappealling. Maybe I should buy a decent sized dildo so she gets used to a bigger size. Where would that lead...?

We had a man round the other day doing some work in the garden. I wasn't there but she texted me to say he was shirtless and had quite a hot body. I really think I might be seeing some progress towards being cuckolded. Mustn't push it though. Perhaps the next time I am giving her an orgasm I should suggest she thinks about someone , past or fantasy, in order to get her thinking in the right frame of mind...

One step at a time...

One-Sided Sex is the Best.

I gave her what she subsequently rated an 8/10 orgasm on Saturday, orally. Straight afterwards I hugged her, stroked her hair and told her how much I love her; it felt very tender and close. My raging erection, pulsing in my pants didn't get any attention whatsoever.

The thought of my sexual satisfaction didn't even seem to occur to her. This seems to be the new norm, the way things are nowadays. Sex is now just for her. It usually begins with me asking if I can give her an orgasm and then her deigning to allow it if I am lucky. And I do feel lucky, being allowed to be so close and intimate with such a beautiful creature, shuddering and sighing in blissful sexual ecstasy. It's the best experience there is, and seems far deeper and longer lasting than it would be if I came myself. I am now re-energised and filled with love, lust and an overwhelming need to serve her. The house is going to be immaculate this week!

I wonder if I should ask permission to masturbate periodically though, just for the sake of my health?

Preparing Her for a Night Out

We're going out for a night on the town tonight and I intend to do everything I can to ensure she looks and feels beautiful and sexy and has a great time. I'll iron her dress, bathe, shave moisturise her, paint her nails and polish her boots. Once we're out I'll buy all her drinks and go where she wants to go. Maybe we'll dance, maybe she'll dance without me. Either way I'll be happy to have helped such a beautiful woman have a fun night.

Back on Track

After a small lapse, I seem to have successfully resumed my role of personal attendant/domestic servant. Well I never really stopped, I just went about my jobs with less enthusuasm for a few days due to being allowed an orgasm. My sexual energy and frustration have now reached their previous, heightened levels and so I am happy to spend all my time hoovering, ironing, cooking, washing up and pampering. Lovely.

Goals for the nest few days include reinforcing her understanding of my orgasm/enthusiasm inverse correllation, confessing to masturbating and presenting her with the book. I also need to maintain the current level of attentiveness and concentrate more on the talking and listening aspects of being obedient boyfriend; she needs this more than all the pampering so it is my job to provide it. I must listen whenever she wants to talk, and drop whatever I am doing. She needs to be able to see that she is my raison d'etre.

I was rewarded for my enthusiasm last night by being allowed to moisturise not only her beautiful back and freshly shaven legs but also her bum and freshly shaven pussy. I nearly exploded.

Bought a Book

The book I ordered off the aroundherfinger.com site arrived today. It's called ''The New Bride's Guide to Training Her Husband'' and seems like a spot-on guide for women whose partners feel the urge to serve and submit. Trying to work out how to give it to her.

Well, she is not happy at all with my recent behaviour. My energy levels have been low and consequently my attentiveness has not been anywhere near the high standard I set myself over the last two weeks. I am still doing all the chores, but I have been feeling somewhat moody and not really up for talking. She has said numerous times that she wants the 'other boyfriend' back but I have been finding it hard to get back there. I made myself come yesterday morning too, which was stupid and hasn't helped matters. The only way I can hope to redeem myself is by confessing to her. There is a chance that by doing this she will begin to see how seriously she needs to enforce a wanking ban, previously only a policy of disapproval...

Final Release... and its Consequences

Well, on Saturday night I was allowed to really pamper her and - as mentioned previously - there was a possibility that I may be permitted to give her an orgasm. So it was with even more excitement than usual that I bathed her, moisturised her and massaged her. Rubbing cocoa butter into her smooth brown thighs as she lay on her back, nonchalantly reading, was a massive thrill. Being a good, obedient, non-pushy boyfriend, I didn't remind her of the possibility of an orgasm after the massage was complete so I had to make quite an effort to conceal my disappointment when she got dressed afterwards.

The rest of the night was spent in the 'energised' hyper-attentive state that I have become used to over the past 2 weeks, and again I found it hard to keep my hands to myself in bed.

The next morning I asked her straight out if I could give her an orgasm, and she replied "If you want to", which, of course I did. Very much. I loved the was she said it - like she was just letting me do it... if I must. So I gave her what seemed like a very satisfying orgasm. Afterwards she said she enjoyed it, but still needed the feeling of an actual cock inside her. I know the thing that turns her on most in the world is the first moments of sex when she gets stretched and filled for the first time, so I obliged, until I could tell that the feeling she loves so much was over and she needed something else. Then I switched to concentrating on her g-spot with my fingers - the method that always gives her the best climax. This worked, so I had given her 2 orgasms, to my zero. Perfect. Not only that but I had made sure she had been given these orgasms in her favourite ways. Then I made sure to hug her tightly, tell her how much I love her and caress her gently - I wanted to create some post-coital closeness so she didn't feel like anything was missing.

However, she said that it just didn't seem right, and that sex didn't seem complete without me coming. "Don't you want to come?" she asked. "Do you want me to?" a replied. As soon as she said yes, I was back inside her and I had come within a very short time. I had intended to make her come again but after so much playing around, and after being denied for so long, there was no chance.

The thing is, that was yesterday morning, and ever since I have felt tired. irritable and generally too lethargic to bother with all the chores that I was previously so eager to complete. She has noticed this and commented on it, which I supposed is a good thing as it further cements the idea that my domestic performance is related to orgasm denial.

I just hope I can get the energy back, because right now it just feels like the whole experiment was quite pathetic, embarrassing and weird. Hmmmm....

Some Progress Towards Understanding

I asked her last night how she was feeling about the new arrangement with me doing everything. She seemed to be ok with it, but was concerned that I would find it hard to maintain and eventually become exhausted. I just said that I would be able to keep it going indefinitely just as long as I could be 're-energised' now and then by being allowed to give her an orgasm. We didn't go into it any further but it was good to emphasise the link between my domestic performance and me being allowed to satisfy her sexually with no reciprocation.

This morning she was sat on the sofa and I knelt in front of her, kissing her bare thighs as she checked her Facebook. I loved being in such a submissive position and she seemed quite comfortable with it; she made no comments. Shortly after I asked her if I could give her an orgasm soon. She said maybe tonight after I've bathed her. I'm loving the sense of anticipation...

Laying in bed spooning her beautiful body last night was like some kind of sweet torture. I hardly slept at all as I was in such a state of arousal. I was gripped by an urge to stroke her skin and marvel at the contours of her curves, her feminine hips and small waist. I had to use all my willpower to keep my hands still, resting on the smooth skin of her thighs, freshly moisturised by me only hours earlier. I longed to kiss every inch of her but had to just lay still listening to her quiet breathing. At times I was on the brink of some kind of motionless, tantric orgasm but thankfully I was somehow able to pull back from the brink. I am exhausted today in work, but satisfied that I have managed to resist giving myself an orgasm without permission.

Today's Pampering

I am getting pretty good now at focusing all my energy upon my girlfriend.  By the time she came home from work I had already cooked a very tasty dinner, done a load of washing and hung it out.  I had a glass of wine ready, from a bottle I bought on the way home.  After dinner I did all the washing up and put everything away whilst she relaxed in the lounge.  Then I ran her a bath, washed her hair, scrubbed her back and shaved her legs and armpits.

I had some relaxing music playing in the bedroom and asked her if I could give her a massage.  She allowed me, so I made sure I gave her a very satisfying treatment to alleviate all her aches and pains from a day in work.  I asked if I could moisturise her too and she let me do this also.  The whole time I was doing this I was in a state of extreme arousal, but I could tell she was not up for any kind of sex, so I didn't push for it.  

She's now in bed as I type this, relaxed and de-stressed.  I am frustrated and filled with sexual energy.  I love it, and now I'm off up to lay next to her, thankful that such a beautiful woman allows me such access to such an amazing body...

Great Link

I have just found a very well written and insightful website discussing many of the things which are currently swirling around my head, here.  I'm posting it here as much for my own reference as anything else.

Week 1

Well, it's the end of Week 1 of being an obedient boyfriend. How did it go?  Mixed results but generally quite positive. The most promising part for me is that she has been allowing me to do quite a lot of the chores around the house whilst she relaxes in the lounge.  I had worried that she may feel too guilty about me working hard whilst she does nothing and would end up joining in with the housework. Luckily for me this has not been the case. A few times over the last week she has happily watched her favourite programmes or tapped away at her laptop whilst I have been cooking, washing up, doing the washing, ironing, hoovering and making the bed. She has tried to help a couple of times but I have managed to get her to chill out whilst I do the work.  Perfect. In total, she has only made a couple of sandwiches all week, and that was only because I was loading some heavy stuff into the car at the time and we were in a rush so we had to share the tasks. As well as the chores, I have been allowed to give her two massages and to bathe her, wash her hair, scrub her back and shave her armpits and legs. Beautiful. I am hoping she will let me introduce moisturising to this routine next week. Her body is gorgeous and her skin is lovely, so for me being allowed to pamper her is like a reward for all the housework. The fact that she enjoys being pampered like this means it is really pleasurable for both of us.  It would feel completely wrong to be rewarded like this if she did not enjoy the experience; that would not be a reward at all.  I shouldn't get into the habit of expecting any kind of rewards though, and thinking of her body as something that could be used as a form of payment would be disrespectful anyway.

I think I have, inadvertently, chosen a good time to start this. At the moment she is working hard on other things so she may feel that things are quite balanced with me doing all the chores like this, which is fine.  Hopefully she will get so used to me doing everything that when she has finished her other jobs she won't feel the urge to help me in the house at all and we will have reached a new status quo.  At that point she should have lots of spare time to relax, see friends, go to the gym and generally become a lady of leisure whilst her obedient boyfriend takes care of all the housework. The thought of bathing her and helping her prepare for a night on the town with her friends whilst I sit at home working hard on the house is a great source of excitement and something that I am aiming for.

Her reaction to this sudden change in behaviour has been one of some confusion, understandably. This has not been helped by my seeming inability to explain it adequately. I have found it hard even to explain it to myself, other than that it is  a new-found urge to be obedient, helpful, caring and considerate, always putting her needs ahead of my own and respecting her decisions on all matters.  If I had to pin down the key events that have triggered off the appearance of the new me though, I would say that last weekend was one of the main factors. Having been out drinking on the Saturday, we went to bed we had a very one-sided sexual experience with her showing little regard for my satisfaction. The following morning we did it again but this time it was absolutely one-sided, to the extent that I even kept my pants on whilst ensuring she was totally satisfied. Pleasuring her whilst she showed zero consideration for me was one of the most exquisite and thrilling sexual experiences of my life, and the memory of it (and hope that it may happen again) has been an ongoing source of energy and enthusiasm ever since.  It seems to have re-established the roles and power balance of the relationship leaving me in an extremely subservient position. Feeling perpetually sexually unfulfilled like this gives me a feeling very similar to the lust, desire and longing to please that you get at the very early stages of a relationship. Of course I could very easily achieve a level of satisfaction on my own, 'manually', but I am determined not to do this. She hates the thought of me doing that so I will put her wishes above my own urges. Besides, when this kind of abstinence provides me with such energy and enthusiasm,

 then it would be stupid to spoil it. It may seem strange that a one-sided sexual experience has sparked off all this but that's just the way it is.  There are other, connected, factors which  I will talk about some other time, but last weekend was the catalyst.

  

If I am able to maintain this arrangement, then I think it will be very good for our relationship. I can forsee few arguments occuring when I am this eager to please and so happy to hand control to her. Most of our previous arguments have been caused by me being stubborn or inconsiderate, or fighting against a perceived loss of control.  If I go along with her decisions from now on and trust her judgement (which, to be honest, has proven itself to be better than mine consistently over the years) then we may arrive at something approaching domestic bliss.

  

Hopefully she will be able to see this and go along with it or, ideally, embrace the idea wholeheartedly. I must be careful though, not to make it seem to weird or perverted. Obviously there is a sexual element but I wouldn't expect any kind of cringemaking mistress/slave roleplay. To some extent though I would like her to start ordering me around and being more aloof and demanding, expecting to be served at all times and accepting my services with no thanks, completely taking me for granted, but we should be able to do that within our own personalities rather than taking on any weird and false S&M personas.

Another element of this that she might see as a bonus for her and the relationship is that I would no longer be in any danger of straying. Not that there was much of a danger anyway, but already after only a week, I find myself averting my eyes from attractive women, whereas previously I operated on a ''look but don't touch'' policy. I only have eyes for my Princess now. Before, I wasn't tempted by beautiful women. Now I hardly even see them to know if they're beautiful or not.  Porn no longer has any appeal for me either.

I think our relationship had been heading this way for some time anyway before I even decided to dive into this obedient role.  Recently we met some new people - friends of friends, and one of them said I was "a nice bloke, but pussy-whipped".  That has really stuck in my mind, and has now become something of a turn-on.  It looks like even strangers can see how our relationship works, and that was even before this new-found desire to please.

Anyway, that's how things stand at the end of week 1.  My goals for the forthcoming week are to keep on top of the housework, keep focused on pleasing her in any way possible, never relax when there is work to be done, not let her lift a finger around the house, continue to pamper her and let her know how beautiful she is and how much I love and admire her.  Hopefully she will let me satisfy her in the bedroom and hopefully she will show no interest in reciprocating.  Also I need to make sure this behaviour brings us closer together, rather than freaking her out.  I have to concentrate on being a good listener - very important if this is to work.

Fingers crossed...