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Monday, 26 March 2012

Abandonment and Renewal

We've been away for a few weeks, during which time my Princess said she had decided that she wanted us to resume "vanilla" sexual relations, with me having as many orgasms as I like and with a more equitable balance of power.  I was quite disappointed, but agreed.

After a week of normal sex, with me orgasming, I quickly got used to "normal" life.  I became more interested in my own well being and less attentive.  Subsequently, she soon realised that she actually preferred being worshipped.  I came home from work one day and she told me that she wanted a new dildo, bigger than my dick.  It was to be used when she needed to be "filled"after I have given her oral sex.  She said she thought I would be better behaved if we used this system rather than letting me come inside her.

Naturally I agreed and I am now browsing the net for a suitable item.

We have now agreed that I will be allowed one orgasm for every ten that she has.

This feels pretty good - an open acknowledgement that we both prefer it this way, even though it's not the societal norm.

It feels like I've moved out of the "stealth" phase into something a lot more permanent and sustainable.


  1. I am not surprised that you want her to take charge and you want her to. This seems to be the lifestyle that works for both of you.


    1. Fingers crossed, FD, I think this is going to work, long-term!

  2. That sounds great, at least your Princess has recognised that it is better for her when you are kept denied and is keen for you to be used by her in a way that pleases her.

    I am jealous...!!!

    1. Exactly. "In a way that pleases her" is the key phrase there. It now pleases her to exercise control over me in a way that it didn't before. Lovely!

  3. Hi,

    I was wondering if your blog was abandoned like many others. It's good to see you back.

    I've got some questions about the dynamics of your relationship. Please don't take it as a criticism if you think my words were harsh. I'm really just trying to understand how this kind of relationships work.

    Since it was your Princess' decision to resume "vanilla" sexual relations, weren't you actually topping from the bottom when you "became more interested in my own well being and less attentive"? It kind of feels like by behaving that way you're trying to influence the shape of your relationship while at the same time you're saying you want to be obedient to her. Is it really obedience if it's conditional on her behaving in a way you want? Isn't letting her choose the form of your relationship a part of being obedient? Otherwise this resembles more traditional relationships where each partner trades something they want for something the other person wants. This makes me also wonder who's really in charge in your relationship. What does she think about the fact that you're in a way forcing her hand? Or has she not realized that yet? Do you think she might resent being manipulated like that?

    Again, I apologize if you think my questions were inappropriate or sounded judgemental.

    1. Hello again Anon and thanks for the insightful comment.

      "Topping from the bottom" is a concept that has been concerning me for some time. I have suspected for several months that this is exactly what I have been doing; after all, if I hadn't been so insistent on worshipping and pampering my Princess then this whole lifestyle almost certainly would not have occurred to her. It is, therefore, a situation entirely of my making - I have manipulated things from a position of submission.

      However, things have now changed. When Emma said she was no longer interested in "the whole Princess thing" I understood, and agreed to go back to how we used to be. Her main problem, by the way, was that she thought it seemed somehow false, like roleplay, and that I was putting on an act. I could see how my behaviour could be perceived like this. I assured her that it was all genuine, that I really did worship her and only want to please her (and in doing so, please myself) but that I would revert to normality if that is what she wanted.

      I actually got used to "normality" very quickly, and soon started enjoying having more time to concentrate on my other interests. I would have been happy to continue as a normal couple, and probably wouldn't even have bothered to come back to this blog, apart from a brief farewell. When Emma said she wanted to "go back to bring a Princess", I wasn't even very keen, initially. It seemed like a fad that I'd left behind and lost interest in. She is now actively encouraging it, and seems to fully understand it, and its benefits, like she didn't before. She missed what we had before, but having gone back to that, she has realised that actually prefers the submissive, obedient me. She now knows that she needs to be in total control of me, for her own happiness.

      The fact that it was my Princess who decided to revert to a female-led relationship is a very important factor in the reshaping of the dynamics of our relationship. It is no longer something kinky or weird that she has to go along with just to keep me happy. Now it is the lifestyle she wants, and she is very, very keen on it. My behaviour is being criticised quite frequently at the moment, as I am only slowly resuming my former levels of devotion and dedication to her.

      So yes, I was "topping from the bottom". Now though, I am living with a strict Princess who knows exactly what she wants.

      I have created a monster, and I am quite ambivalent about it now. My Princess is behaving exactly how I always wanted her to when I was topping from the bottom, but now she is doing it with her own motivation and I am finding it disconcerting that I am no longer in control. I am sure that I will adjust, and look forward to being truly obedient. I have just ordered a dildo, incidentally, to replace my cock, as agreed.

      Our relationship has moved into a new era; one of continual propitiation of a superior being...